He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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