I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
