just tell him i said nine months
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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