Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have demons in me.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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