Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
