I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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