Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
