Kiss
Puke
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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