my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
