He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
