me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
