I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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