So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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