I got chris browned last night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
