Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
