sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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