the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
