i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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