I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
