When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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