I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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