I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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