ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
