I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
