I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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