I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
