Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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