hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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