i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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