I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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