I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
