is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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