are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
