So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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