i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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