so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I fill condoms, not promises.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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