4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
