he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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