just tell him i said nine months
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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