could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
