I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
