We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
