your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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