omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
