So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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