Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
