Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just want nice things and good sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
