He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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