I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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