hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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