no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
